


Dead Roses

by catharticallysarcastic



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 03:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17593613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catharticallysarcastic/pseuds/catharticallysarcastic
Summary: The line between Pete and Frank blurs for Karen and there might not be a way back for Frank.





	Dead Roses

His fingers tapped against the wheel, his knees shaking up and down. His gaze was stuck on the building, the building where she lived at, the building he was going to go in and do the scariest shit he's done in a long time.

Frank Castle was not scared often but right now he was petrified. He was terrified what if Karen has changed her mind and realized how messed up he was, how her life would be in constant danger, how she couldn't have a single relaxed moment because he was a trouble magnet. However, what horrified him even more was if she hasn't changed her mind, if Karen was still willing to take a chance, to take a chance on him.

“Get your shit together,” he mumbled to himself. He wasted more than enough time already.

After Billy, after making sure Amy was safe, he'd contemplated to go back to Karen and just sweep her off her feet. However, he needed some time, some time to think all of it over, to think it over if he was selfish enough to put Karen in harm's way with not only acknowledging his own feelings but also acting up on them.

Frank'd started out on another road trip. This time he'd had a destination though. If one thing could be told about him was that he was thorough and he cared, deeply too. He had to make sure Beth and Rex were all right. If not for him, she would have never had gotten tangled in shit like this. This was also a great excuse to get away from the city a little bit and clear his mind.

He rubbed his face, trying to work up the will to get out of the car and talk to Karen, do what he should have done a long time ago. Frank was not one to believe in signs but some things even he couldn't ignore. When this morning he'd taken Beth and the kid to grab a pancake and have some catch up with them, he could swear he'd felt Karen's perfume lingering in the air. His heart had known before his brain could process. His chest had squeezed as the light scent of spring filled his nostrils, so light, so delicate, with the smallest hint of spice of wild flowers.

He'd tried to look around if he could see her, if she'd been there for real or his senses were playing with him, reminding him that he couldn't keep her hanging like that, that it was time for him to make up his mind because Karen deserved better. She hadn't been there, only her scent, her scent that hadn't let him think of anything else afterwards.

Frank had spent the morning with Beth and Rex, making sure they'd both been okay, and in spite of her saying no, he'd left money for Beth's medical bills as well. He'd caused the problem, he'd almost cost someone their life again, he'd almost orphaned a kid... _It doesn't matter._ Karen's words echoed on his mind and he let out a shaky breath. It should, it really should.

He should be smarter, he should be the one walking away. But the truth was he couldn't walk away from Karen and Lord knew he's tried repeatedly. But he always spiraled back to her, no matter what and he had to admit this was no way to live for her.

“Go.” He grumbled to himself and got out of the car, starting towards the building with firm steps. He was walking quickly, almost as if he was afraid if he wasn't fast enough, he'd have the chance to turn back.

A young woman was just leaving the building when he got to the gates so he slipped in, only to stop dead in his track. His eyebrows knitted as he stared at the trash piling out from the bins. White roses... Photos of dead bodies... An x-ray of his very own skull. Papers filled with words, her hand writing, notes, printed ones... His heart jumped to his throat and he started up to her apartment, this time almost running.

His fist banged against her door and he cursed under his breath. He shouldn't have done that, not if he didn't want startle Karen and not if he didn't want his head to be blown off before he could even say it was just him.

“It's... It's me...” He cleared his throat when he heard a quiet shuffling from inside, likely Karen getting that cannon from her bag. He waited and waited but there was no answer. “Karen?” Was something wrong? What if someone caught her and he was standing out there like a moron? He was going to kick this door down if she didn't open it.

“Frank...” She pulled the door open with a very forced and just as weird smile on her face. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair in tangles, looking like she's run her fingers through those silky strawberry blonde locks one too many times. “Pete, I mean. Sorry.” She swallowed hard, ignoring his gaze and he frowned at her.

“Are you... Karen, hey...”

“Don't.” He tried to touch her chin so he could look her in the eye but she pulled back from him and fuck, that shit hurt. “Listen, Pete...” She emphasized his fake name again and he got even more confused. Why did she keep calling him Pete? He's never been Pete to Karen. “I get it okay. I understand.”

“Understand what?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, trying to catch her gaze but she refused to even look at him. “Come on, Karen, talk to me.”

“I just... I just want you to know that I'm not...” She was struggling to speak the words. Her fingers kept curling, her nails digging into her palms. She looked jumpy, stepping from one foot to the other. “I'm not mad at you. You made the right decision. You really did.”

“Yeah, I know, that's why I'm here.” He was getting more and more confused. She looked so hurt and small in that moment, he just wanted pull her to him and tell her it was going to be okay but he didn't want to touch her when obviously that was the last thing she wanted. “Can I come in?”

“I don't... I don't think that's a good idea.” She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “I hope your... your new family gives you all you deserve, Pete.” She sniffed, her gaze lifting to his face.

“Karen, you don't...”

“Please don't make this any harder...” She whispered, wiping a tear away. “Goodbye, Frank.” Her hand lifted to his face but she pulled back with a shake of her head.

“Wait... Karen, don't...”

“Goodbye.”

The door closed in front of him and he was left standing there, completely dumbfounded. He gaped, completely at loss of words. He wasn't just imagining Karen's scent in the restaurant. Karen was there and she thought he moved on, moved on with someone else.

What was the right answer here though? Should he keep forcing it? Should he try to explain? Or should he give her some time and come back later? Frank started away and turned back over and over again, enough times to become dizzy. He started down the stairs and then his gaze fell on the trash piling out of the bin and he took a shaky breath. Karen dumped him, quite literally and he could only blame himself but this was not easy, nothing about this was easy.

He walked to the bin and started packing out, first the documents then the roses and the x-ray. It was a good amount of paperwork that he had by his side as he sat down at the bottom of the stairs. He needed a moment to think this over. Usually, a good shoot out helped to clear his mind but he had a feeling finding some bad guys to kill was not an option at the moment. Instead he started going through the notes.

She worked hard on this, every scratched word suggesting she hasn't believed he was a monster, not for a single moment. It was actually beautiful to see how she'd figured all of it out, from the beginning to the end. He turned one of the pages, tilting his head, his brows knitting when he saw one of the notes that obviously hadn't been written in a rush because her writing looked much neater.

 _Am I so different?_ Frank huffed, even the thought was ridiculous. Of course Karen was different... Or was she really? _Sometimes I look into his eyes and all I see is myself._ He rubbed the back of neck, staring at her words. Was she really all that different? _The scariest part of it that this doesn't scare me but gives me comfort._ Wasn't this why she understood him so well... because she wasn't so different after all? Was it what he saw as well, that darkness lurking behind those big blue eyes, the type of darkness he could understand because it was part of him as well?

 

She walked to the window and opened it as wide as she could. The tears that were trying to bubble out of her eyes she blinked away quickly, let the chilly air clear her mind. Karen swallowed hard, watching the snowflakes falling from the sky. The streets were now quiet, even more than usually, almost like the first layer of snow put a cover the entire city until dawn at least.

She wished Frank hadn't showed up at her doorstep. It confused and hurt her too much. She'd just gotten back a couple of hours ago from her road trip. One of their new clients had business down in Michigan and Karen had been keen to look into it. The trip had given her a great opportunity to get out of the city and have some time for herself or at least that had been what she'd been hoping for. Except, instead of clearing her mind of Fisk and Bullseye she'd ended up facing something that hurt more than those two could hurt her.

 

_She was having breakfast at a pancake place after she gathered all the information she could about their client when it happened. First, she heard the laughter, the voice she couldn't miss anywhere, gravelly yet full of warmth, making her core clench. Her head snapped towards the direction of the street and then she saw it._

_Frank walked towards the restaurant in the company of a little boy and a woman, lost in their own little world. He was laughing full heartedly when the boy said something, his entire body shaking with the rich sound and she cringed. This wasn't the type of laughter she'd ever heard from him, she realized and the thought cut so deeply she almost couldn't breath._

_There was a bandage around his fist and Karen had no doubt who'd been caring enough to make sure whatever injury he'd gotten, it wouldn't get infected. It hadn't been her and that thought made her heart ache so terribly, she felt like her ribcage would be unable to contain the weight of it._

_She slipped down from her seat, pulling her hoody from next to her around her body and over her head. She grabbed her bag, left some money on the table and started towards the back door. She couldn't face Frank. She could feel strength running out of her head and her legs too and she wasn't ready to face him at a state like that._

_“Can I get triple portion again, Pete?” The kid squealed when Karen looked over her shoulder one last time before she quickly escaped through the back._

_She hurried to her car, jumped in and started driving. Every cell in her body was trembling. Her knuckles turned white, she was squeezing the wheel so tight. Pete... It all made sense... All of it... After she put a good few miles of distance between herself and the restaurant, Karen pulled over and stopped the car by the side of the road._

_She got out on shaky legs, inhaling deeply as she leant against the car. Pete... Of course... She should be happy, she kept repeating to herself. Frank deserved a normal life, Frank deserved an after... and would she really be able to give him that? Would she really be able to give Frank the peace he deserved? Would she really be able to give him the end of his war? Her last conversation with her father echoed on her mind and a sob shook her body._

_Her legs collapsed under her and she leant her head over knees, wrapping her arms around her knees. Just a few more minutes and she was going to get herself together. Just a few more days and she wouldn't just say she was happy for Frank Castle finding his peace but actually mean it as well. She wasn't the one for him, she wasn't the one to bring the end of the war because she was war herself, she was a curse._

 

Karen didn't even know for how long she stood there in the window when a knock startled her. Her head snapped towards the door immediately, alerted, her eyes darting to her gun on the small coffee table in the middle of the room. Quietly, she pushed the window closed and tiptoed to the table, grabbing the gun, her finger on the trigger before she walked to the door and waited.

“It's me... again,” she heard Frank's voice and froze. She believed she was clear when she'd said goodbye. What did he want from her? “Karen, please, just... listen to me, okay?”

“Listen, Frank,” she opened the door, lowering the gun in her hand, her finger off the trigger. “I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to be happy for you yet. I will be. I swear to god, there will be a day when I'll be able to be happy for you but this is not that day.” The words rushed out of her, her voice now hard and irritated.

“Just... Can I put these down, please?” He asked from above the box in his hands, filled with the things she'd binned not long ago, all her memories of him, all the files, the roses that only hurt her now.

“The roses are dead anyway and the files I don't need anymore,” she stated with a firm voice, avoiding his gaze. She'd been trying to save the flowers but they'd died and it was time for her to accept it.

“I got new ones.” He cleared his throat and tilted the box a little bit and indeed, there was a pot of fresh, beautiful white roses.

“I don't understand this, Frank.” She put her gun on the shelf next to the door a bit firmer than necessary. “What are you even doing here? Why are you doing this to me?” She ran a hand over her hair as she started pacing, her sadness, her pain quickly turning into anger. “It's all right. I understand. Honestly, I do. I told you to love someone and not another war, right?” She snorted, talking more to herself than him with her back to Frank. She heard as he placed the box on the floor and turned around. “You actually just followed my very own advise so I don't have a right to be angry, right?” She laughed without humour, shaking her head as she glanced away.

“Karen if you could just...” His muscles strained as he watched her becoming more and more animated. Her cheeks turned red as the words poured out of her.

“I'll get over it because Frank, you made the right call.” She cut him off before he could say anything more. “Because what am I after all, right? The proud owner of number 1 on Fisk's hit list? Bullseye favourite? I'm just another war and you are right to be with someone...”

“Karen, Karen, hey,” he put his hands on her shoulders to stop her pacing and she flinched, instinctively trying to pull away but his grip was strong. “Sssh, it's okay. It's okay, Karen. Do you hear me?” She dragged her gaze from him and he closed his eyes for a moment. “Hey, hey, look at me, Karen, please?” He asked with a soft voice and her eyes moved to him slowly. His lips twitched as he saw the pain darkening her blue eyes. “I went back to make sure she was all right because I got her shot and put her in harm's way but she was just a one night stand.” Karen rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head. “No, I swear to god, she was just a one night stand, okay? Before I came back, before Amy and Billy, you know how I was just travelling across the country?” Frank had written a postcard to her from every town he stopped at, never written any meaningful message, mostly just that he'd still been all right, still out of trouble's way, that he'd had the best pie or beer in one of those small places. The only problem was that those postcards have never been sent. “I... I had a one night stand with her...”

“So you are telling me...” She shrugged out of his hold, taking a step back from him, her bottom lip slipping between her teeth for a moment. “You're telling me while I was wondering whether you were dead or alive you had some good time?” There'd been not a single moment he hasn't been on her mind, especially not after she'd found out that he'd been on the road all alone, ditching the veteran meetings at his friend's, Kurtis. “Wow... You know... All those sleepless nights, Frank, all the time I couldn't even close my eyes because I saw you covered in blood, laying on the ground without help... This is just classy.” She laughed bitterly. Karen tried, Lord knew she tried to be a better and bigger person than be this petty but even her patience had it's limits and apparently Frank Castle just reached it.

“You don't... God dammit, Karen, you were my pillow talk.” Frank exclaimed, running his hand over his face.

“I really hope that isn't your plea, Frank because it's a very shitty one,” Karen huffed, unsure if she should be amused, touched or downright offended by this revelation.

“I... I was with this beautiful woman...”

“No details, if I may ask,” she growled, narrowing her eyes at him. She wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. Was he trying to convince her it meant nothing or was he just trying to make sure she'd never want to see him again?

“I was thinking of you. You were on my mind, Karen,” he motioned around animatedly, his eyes moving from side to side as he moved in circles. “You always are. You... It doesn't matter where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm doing it with, it's always with you in the back of my mind, Karen.” She shook her head, turning her back on him, trying not to let the tears spill. She was barely holding herself together as it was. The duality of all these information, it just wound her up. “I... I said I don't want to love anyone anymore but truth is it's fucking late for that, okay?” He stepped behind her, his presence wrapping around her. “It's too late,” he whispered with a rough voice, his fingers intertwining with hers. “It's too late, okay?” He turned her around and a sob ripped through her, shaking her entire body. Without a word, Frank pulled her to him. One hand was still holding hers, trapped between them, not letting go. Her grip was strong enough to remind him just how stubbornly she could hold onto anything if she put her mind on it. His arm wrapped around her trembling body tight, grounding her, letting her have this moment of weakness, safe in his arms. “It's too late, Karen.” He mumbled, his lips brushing her forehead, soothingly.

“What if I'm no good, Frank?” She glanced up at him, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks, the reality of what was happening just downing her. She should have let him go.

“You're perfect.” His lips brushed her face, kissing away her tears, one by one, covering her skin in tiny little touches of his soft mouth.

“I am war, I am a curse, people die around me,” she whispered, her hammering in her chest so loud, she could barely hear anything else.

“Am I you or are you me?” Frank smiled at her, shaking his head lightly with so much understanding in his look that she couldn't hold back the next wave of tears. The way he looked at her, how he got her reminded Karen why she's fallen for him to start with. “Like a mirror.” His thumb brushed over the line of her jaw before his lips brushed to hers, softly, just trying and she gasped, her fingers squeezing his in her hold harder.

“You read my notes?” She mumbled against his lips.

“I did.” He nodded. “You are my chosen war, Karen Page.” He pulled her closer to him, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, his arms wrapped tightly around her as she wrapped her own around his neck, both of them holding on like they never wanted to let go. Hold on with two hands and don't let go; nor Frank, nor Karen forgot that advise by him.

 

 


End file.
